I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
