In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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