dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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