I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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