I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
