He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I hope mine doesn't look like that
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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