i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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