Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
