mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
