i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
