But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
