I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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