Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
