I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
