youre lurking in front of me
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This is my gift to your gina
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
