Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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