Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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