I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
