I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
