She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
