just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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