Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
This gyro tastes like lonliness
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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