I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Two words: nipple clamps
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