i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
