remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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