maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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