Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
