No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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