I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
