I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
