Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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