I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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