Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
