everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
