She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just puked most of my soul out..
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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