Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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