How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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