I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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