she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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