Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize