I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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