You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize