My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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