That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
