Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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