I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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