apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
