i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
