my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
