This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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