dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
