Just cropdusted the office
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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