The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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