when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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