But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
