six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You did what with his pubic hair?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
