He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
