oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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