people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
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