How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
