Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
