He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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