can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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