I just threw up on my dentist
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
